I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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