I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My vagina just recognized that song.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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