I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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