Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
