I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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