get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
