when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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