I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
