Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
