Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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