we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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