Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
