Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
