you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
