you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
