Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
