After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
