Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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