dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
