i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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