I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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