yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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