Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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