There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
