I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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