I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
