she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
