forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
