All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
