Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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