If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just had sex bonerless
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
