I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
