Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
