i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
