I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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