just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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