hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
