he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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