Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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