Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
