based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
