We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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