went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
