There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
