when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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