What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
