I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
