Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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