its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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