then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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