laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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