Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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