So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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