shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
