It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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