my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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