I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
