Your tits are I can't wait for
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
