You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
