i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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