my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my being single is dangerous.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
